Teaching Emotional Regulation

Language shapes how we experience and understand the world including our emotions. The more children are exposed to emotional vocabulary, the more likely they are to use it themselves. It helps them label what they feel and encourages emotional expression in healthy ways.

Tips for Building Emotional Vocabulary:

• Name your own feelings out loud. Let your child hear you express emotions throughout the day. For example, if you’re stuck in traffic, say:

  1. • “Wow, I’m really frustrated right now because these drivers aren’t moving the way I’d like.”
       
       

• Describe what others might be feeling. When watching a movie, reading a book, or simply people-watching, try narrating emotions:

  1. • “That character looks really upset… I think he’s feeling lonely.”
       
       

• Highlight how people (including you) manage emotions. If someone isn’t coping well, talk about it:

  1. • “It seems like that person is yelling because they’re overwhelmed. What do you think they could do instead to calm down?”
       
       

Why This Works:

Regular use of emotional language normalizes feelings and helps children feel safer expressing their own. It also teaches them that emotions, both positive and negative, are a normal part of life. Observing how you or others manage feelings gives your child real-world examples of emotional regulation in action.

Once your child has calmed down after a challenging moment, engage in a gentle, curious conversation. This encourages reflection and teaches problem-solving around emotions.

Conversation Starters:

• “What are you feeling right now?”
  
  

• “Do you think it was okay to behave that way?”
  
  

• “What might be a better way to deal with that feeling next time?”
  
  

• “What can we do to help you feel better?”
  
  

You can also use this strategy when watching shows or witnessing emotional outbursts in others:

• “That character hit someone when they got mad. Do you think that was a good choice?”
  
  

• “What else could they have done instead?”
  
  

• “What do you think they were feeling?”
  
  

Why This Works:

Kids usually know the difference between right and wrong, but in the heat of emotion, that knowledge can go out the window. By helping them reflect and problem-solve when they’re calm, you’re teaching them how to handle similar situations better in the future.

And remember: it takes practice. They might not remember your conversation the next time they’re upset, but with repetition, they’ll start to connect the dots.